Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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