Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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