if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
