i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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