And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
