dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
