how can u be prego again
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
