you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this will be a night to untag.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
