It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
