We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
