idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
