pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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