is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
