Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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