apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
