Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
