there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
