Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
