Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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