haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
