I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
