I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
