I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
