Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
