PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
