i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
