so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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