i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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