i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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