Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
