goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so much tequila, so little girl.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
