I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
