My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
