Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ass is underappreciated
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drunk is a universal language darling
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