no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
