Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
