I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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