she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
