Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
