Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
