I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
