just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
