Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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