Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
