She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
