We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
