i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
