I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
