you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
