They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My penis needs a shock collar
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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