You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
