once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
