I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
